Last week I felt like complaining and did. It felt good.
However later it felt blah. Nothing positive came of it. Complaining didn’t fix anything. It helped my wife a little because it helped her understand how I felt about some of our hopes and dreams, but it also was a downer for her.
Last night I felt like complaining but didn’t.
It was very hard to not complain. I was complaining big-time in my head and the pressure to let it out with my voice was like the teapot every night on the stove when it rumbles inside right before it busts out in a piercing whistle. You get a warning before it busts out.
So last night I shut up before the piercing whistle. I forced myself to keep it all a secret between God and me. It was an act of trust and intimacy with God. In some feeble way I was able to let it be enough that he knew, and to let him handle the satisfaction that I craved from venting externally.
I just shut up. On the outside it was very simple–just don’t. But inside it was a raging battle.
I’ve had success with this before, but later always go back to the easy way of depending on myself and acting by how I feel.
This morning I woke up with a sense of peace and power. A renewed confidence. There’s a lot to do but I don’t feel any pressure. All the stuff I felt like complaining about is the same, but it looks and feels different.
It’s as if God says, you want peace and power and intimacy with me–prove you trust me and you’ll get it.
I think this is basic, daily living by faith. Kindergarten stuff.
I try to jump to grad-school stuff before I’ve learned the alphabet and counting to 20.
Every day you’re offered many little doorways that open with the key of everyday trust. Good things are in the rooms through those doors.
What adventures have you had in venting or trusting?