Your family fits. Yes even THAT family

How bad or dysfunctional does your family have to be to NOT fit?

I’ll try to think of one:

Great things are expected of your dad. But before you’re born he leaves his religion and marries a woman the family would never accept. They have three kids. Two of the kids die and the family story is the kids were so bad that even God was outraged.

Then your dad sleeps with a prostitute. She gets pregnant. Turns out she is actually his daughter-in-law, the widow of one of his dead sons, in disguise. She has twins. You’re the first born twin.

So your dad is also your step-dad-grandfather-in-law (or whatever) and you are the offspring of incest. And let’s say this is just one ‘highlight’ and you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Let that be a bad enough example for the moment.

So what happens to you? How does THIS fit?

Well, your name is Perez and you are in the line of Jesus Christ. And your dad is Judah, leader of one of the twelve tribes of Israel. Kings and the Messiah will come from him. His descendants still live in Israel today, a distinct national people 3,500 years later.

God did not hide you or your dad or your origin away in shame. He overcame the shame.

You can see yourself in Genesis 38. The first time I read it I thought, “Wow, I wonder what happened to him.” Because, you know, with such a bad family and start, no good could come of that. Right?

A lot was at stake with this family. This was the beginning of the earthly family that was to result in the birth of the perfect one-of-a-kind Jesus Christ on his mission from God to save the world. So does it fit?

A disrespectful person might say, C’mon God, for such an important family you can do better than this, can’t you?

Do better? Maybe this IS ‘better’ to God.  

My great grandfather abandoned his family

Our story is that his son, my grandfather, then changed the spelling of our last name to forever separate himself from his dad. The echo of this is heard with me generations later every time I say, “that’s M-O-R-L-A-N-D with no ‘E.”

But, it’s only an echo. Our family was not ‘destined’ to a straight-line repetition and payment for one person’s sin. It’s consequences have altered our family but not trapped us into a destiny.

Your destiny is a river and your parents are in the same boat as you.

THEY had a family and parents that they probably wish were different. And THOSE parents wished their parents were different.

It’s hard for the blame to stick once you link your happiness, destiny, and situation to a family and to parents. If you can pass the blame back upriver, so can they. It then gets passed back forever.

Stop the chain. Accept your family (or lack of one) as under God’s overall will and accept his ability to use it for good. Then let him.

My dad’s dad was an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. My kids are NOT alcoholics. I wrote an ebook on how the chain stopped. If God can stop that chain with me, he can stop yours with you.

Perez didn’t have a pedigreed family, yet that family was part of royal business. It’s as if God does it on purpose, to prove something. Will you let him prove something through you?

What is God proving in your family experience?

The Everything Fits affirmation:

Everything about my life, everything that happens

– the family I was born into

– the circumstances I have experienced and find myself in

– my personality and DNA and wiring and gifting –

is engineered or permitted or governed by a sovereign, just, loving God who always has three good things in mind

1) to develop my personal relationship and intimacy with him

2) to accomplish his purposes in the world, and

3) to further his own awesome, unmeasurable aims that are bigger than my ability to understand.

Therefore, whether it’s past, present, or future, I can have confidence and peace that somehow, someway, Everything Fits Even When It Doesn’t, and I will trust and cooperate with God in the fitting. 

About the Author


Gary Morland helps you feel better about your most challenging family relationships, and helps you actually improve those relationships - all by adopting simple attitudes, perspectives, expectations, and actions (the same ones that changed him and his family).


  1. Kim

    Love this! Great idea for a series Gary!

  2. M

    I like how you think G! I was recently in hospital & no family came to see me, however, I was given a sweet compliment by my roomie. After I placed my slippers at her feet (because she had none), gave her a little book of scriptures (that I just happened to pack 4 that very reason) & prayed over her, she said to our nurse, “do you see her wings, she’s my angel!” Although, this is how I am (on the regular, & don’t take much thought about it) as this is how our Father made me, I was touched by the kind words & can’t help thinking…how everything fits, even when it doesn’t! Thx G:)
    blessings <3 M

    • well done M

      • m

        Needed this, again! Thank you, Father…thank you, G!!!
        Blessings & <3

  3. Kim

    When I look back at the legacy left to me and my children… I see broken homes, addiction and domestic violence. But I also see faithfulness, courage and meekness… my husband and I have chosen to cling and grow the positives and to heal the wounds. And in only the way God can, He miraculously uses our woundedness every day to reach out in compassion to a very wounded world… “I will give you a crown of beauty instead of ashes.” Praise His Holy Healing Name!

  4. This is gold, Gary. Loved and needed to hear every word of it! Thank you.

  5. Truth be known: no one has a pedigree family… So grateful Jesus is in my lineage! Only one person can choose to stop the chain and that is me… no one else can stop my chain…. and I can only stop it with Jesus’ help!

  6. Abbie

    But sometimes, when I’m tired, I just want the kind of boring, blessed life and family. You know, the one that doesn’t require faith. Or patience. Or hope.

  7. Nicki Carter

    Just read this story this week, fictionally told from Tamar’s viewpoint. Hadn’t made the connection to what this could mean about my family- but I have now! Thanks, I needed this!

  8. C.

    So my grandpa was an alcoholic, my dad is very heavy drinker or alcoholic, as are my brothers and sister. My husband and I tried to break the chain of alcohol and never touched it or had it in our home. Did our best to provide a healthy, loving, wholesome, encouraging home. Yet all 4 of our children drink, some heavily. I know the story is not over, but this is a very difficult, disappointing season to walk thru. I started going to Alanon, and Celebrate Recovery to try to figure myself out as in what in the world went wrong, and where do we go from here. These two programs are helping me and God is the biggest help – one day at a time, with gratitude for blessings He shows me every day.
    Thanks for your writings, c.

    • c. I want to encourage you in prayer. You did what you could do in breaking the chain. We watch our children make decisions that we know aren’t right for them, yet they won’t listen to us… it is heart wrenching… I have two sons who have made decisions that hurt so deeply, but I know that when my last breath is drawn, I will have done my best to do what God required of me and will only answer for that. My sons will have to answer for their choices… and I pray for them mightily. I’ve given myself a mental picture of me placing them physically into His hands, and I do not try to take them back. I cannot as I do not have the strength required for 3 of us. But I do remind Him often that they are there and they are His to take care of and love, as I cannot fix them. They must see their need and desire it themselves before anything will happen. May God bless you as you continue your path of breaking that chain.

  9. Jennifer

    Chain-breaking is so obviously difficult. From what I know, my grandfather was harsh, had high standards, and was impossible to please; my father was similar, with less self control. I find myself desperate to cut the thick, heavy link…

    I wrestle with the reality of God’s truth that I am a new creation when I operate from some of the same patterns in my weakness. I cut myself off from the relationship as what I thought to be a first step to freedom, and it has not been the thing I thought. Breaking the chain is not related to proximity or frequency of communication. There is another freedom…

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