Grace wins

Because I believe in Jesus, the starting point for grace is very elemental. It’s Coke fountain syrup. It’s OxiClean powder waiting for water. It’s plutonium before the air hits it.

It’s over the top radical:

I DON’T get hell even though I deserve it.

And I DO get heaven, even though I don’t deserve it.

And all the spiritual people went, YEEESSS!

Then I go out and water it down and divorce it from my life.

What would grace look like in my family if it was NOT diluted?


Oswald Chambers

The expectation and hunger for justice from others is behind every frustration, harsh word, argument, war, and family estrangement in history.

“It’s not fair and it’s more unfair to me than you.” And each one thinks that.

But grace says, I won’t give you the bad I think you deserve and I will give you the good you don’t.

It’s so radical and potent that just a few drops can begin to infect a whole family.

To start, maybe I pause a few seconds before I defend myself. Because you might be right. Later I may be able to pause longer.

Maybe I relax one little expectation I have of how you’ll treat me.

Maybe during one disagreement I shut up and let you totally have your say. I don’t argue. And I sense a surprising feeling of strength and calm. Suddenly, in a way, it’s OK if I don’t convince you I’m right. Feels kinda good!

That’s when you begin to discover that grace wins. It doesn’t win by winning the argument or meeting the expectation.

Grace wins by satisfying you with itself.

Then grace wins by spreading.

What might one drop of letting go of justice look like for you with your family?

A Family Like Yours is 31 Days of encouragement to help you appreciate, influence, and love the family you have (no matter what).

This is day 3.

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About the Author


Gary Morland helps you feel better about your most challenging family relationships, and helps you actually improve those relationships - all by adopting simple attitudes, perspectives, expectations, and actions (the same ones that changed him and his family).


  1. Kristen

    This was a confirmation I felt from the Spirit this morning. After reading this I let go of my ‘right’ to be right. I reached out to my teenage daughter and offered her grace. Thank you! Kristen

  2. Pam Cason

    So good, Gary. I certainly have some work to do in this area in my parenting. Because I’m the mama I often feel like I have to prove my rightness. But that’s not the way of grace. Thank you for this potent reminder!

  3. Lizajanie

    VERY well said!

  4. Tish Harper MacPherson

    One drop might be letting go of my expectations/desires of what our family vacay should look like and just love BEING with each and everyone, trusting God for it to spread.

  5. Susan Hill

    ‘To start, maybe I pause a few seconds before I defend myself. Because you might be right. Later I may be able to pause longer.’ I appreciated you giving an example. Ironically one that I used earlier this week. And it worked. But I didn’t use it in manipulation of the other person…I did it to change me. Because I believe it’s more important for me to know how to ‘pause’ than it is to win.

  6. Margaret Stephens

    I wish that I had learned and practiced this many years ago. My children and my marriage would have taken a completely different path. Now is the time – you are speaking to my very heart. I emailed this link to my grown children who don’t speak to each other. But this pause will be taking place in my own heart.

    • remember what the Lord said he could do with what the locusts had eaten? :) thx Maragaret

      • Margaret Stephens


  7. Nancy

    I’ve learned that if I keep my mouth shut, it’s much easier for my husband to hear the Holy Spirit. And vice versa. :)

  8. Life Takes Over

    This is the best way that I have ever heard Grace described. Beautifully written, very poignant.

  9. Mindy

    This is awesome!! Exactly what I have discovered in my life, and
    have tried to do, by grace:) thanks for putting it into words!!!

    • hard to keep remembering it after we’ve discovered it though, isn’t it mindy

  10. m

    Saying sorry 1st…even when I’m not in the “wrong”!!! Especially when I don’t wanna lol:) Thanks G…Blessings & <3


  1. […] Grace is work. Grace takes longer. Grace forces trust. But Grace wins. […]

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