The head can win

Influencing your family with the hand feels pushy and heavy to others. The hand doesn’t much care what anyone thinks.

The head definitely cares what you think

That’s how the head influences.

When you want your family to go to Golden Corral instead of Ruth’s Chris, and you talk about how you can spend the savings at the Putt-Putt, and how the bourbon chicken and shrimp salad rocks at GC, and Think of all the choices! There’s something for everybody! then you’re influencing with the head.

The head cares what people think and influences by convincing and persuading you towards what it believes is best. It respects you.

The head wants you happy

The head wants you sold on it. When you say, “That makes sense. I’m convinced. OK,” then the head wins. Everybody’s happy.

The hand would just push or intimidate or manipulate you into it, and then be the only one happy.

Persuading and convincing with respect is challenging. It takes sensitivity and patience. It takes time and might not turn out the way you want. You can panic inside and easily turn the head into the hand without realizing it.

But, when you persuade with respect and finally get to where you’re going it feels good to you and to everybody else.

It’s difficult but worth it.

Who in your family influences with persuasion and respect? How is your relationship with them different than with a pusher?

There’s another way of influencing. Even more difficult, but awesomely wonderful for you and your family. That’s tomorrow.

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A Family Like Yours is 31 Days of encouragement to help you appreciate, influence, and love the family you have (no matter what).

This is day 24.

You can subscribe below or at the top on the right.

About the Author


Gary Morland helps you feel better about your most challenging family relationships, and helps you actually improve those relationships - all by adopting simple attitudes, perspectives, expectations, and actions (the same ones that changed him and his family).


  1. Laura Jean

    I agree so much with this, and also with yesterday’s post. But I am wondering if there is a difference between persuading and convincing with the head and being manipulative. Is it a fine line? How can I, as a wife and mom, be sure that I am persuading in love and not manipulating?

    • You’re right it’s not precise. Humility and trusting Jesus for results might be good starts for confidence that you’re not manipulating. But we all mess up and catch ourselves being off a bit and we try to learn from it. It’s a journey :) Thanks!

  2. Tondra Denise

    Yes! This goes perfectly with yesterday’s post… that I just read today! It is the second part of a conversation that I plan to have with some of my friends who are feeling challenged in their work with very young children. Thanks once again!

  3. Life Takes Over

    My goal this week is to influence more with my head. Your posts ring so true for me, and have been a guide for my family over the last little while. Thank you.


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